Arranged marriages are
standard practice in many societies, but the introductions and screening
process can be an ordeal for the young people involved - even if they
are pleased with the eventual outcome. Some Western Muslims have
concluded that online matchmaking can help reduce embarrassment.
"You don't like her? Why not? She got two legs, she got two arms, she's a professional. How can you not like her?"
Adeem Younis remembers all too well the trials of his
family-orchestrated matchmaking. "Someone would be brought round for an
evening meal and it was a really big deal. The samosas came out and the
chicken and the chapattis… It was so highly pressurised."
Along with others in Europe and the US, Younis began looking
for samosa-free ways to help young Muslims tie the knot, and Muslim
online matchmaking was born.
Sometime in the last decade or so, online dating became a
mainstream activity, in Europe and North America at least. These days
everyone is at it, from the likes of Halle Berry and Adele - both say
they have given it a go - to your aunt, my grandmother, and half the
people swinging like coat hangers on the early morning metro commute.
So perhaps it's not surprising that Western Muslims adapted
the idea to their needs. For many, online dating offers a low-stress
solution to the daunting challenge of finding a partner for marriage in
countries where few share their faith, and in communities where
matchmaking is considered a family affair.
Adeem Younis encourages people to involve their families in an online search
Younis's own matchmaking site, SingleMuslim.com, which he
founded above a fast-food shop in Wakefield while still a lowly
undergraduate, now boasts more than a million members.
However, as the young entrepreneur tells me, to call the
practice "Muslim online dating" would be inaccurate. The goal of such
sites is often far more ambitious than the average hook-up website.
Instead of hazy morning-after memories and hopes of receiving a
follow-through text message, sites like SingleMuslim.com aim to provide
clients with a partner for life. It is a responsibility not to be taken
lightly.
"In Islam, marriage is equal to half of your religion," he
explains, quoting a saying thought to have been uttered by the Prophet
Mohammed, "so you can imagine how important it is… Islam teaches us that
marriage is the cornerstone of society as a whole."
SingleMuslim.com now claims a success rate of about four
matches per day. But the site is just one example of a booming market
serving Muslims of all ages and degrees of religiosity.
For example, there is Muslimmatrimony.com, which allows
members to search for partners not only by sect, but by the particular
doctrine of Islam that they follow and the languages they speak.
Another, HipsterShaadi.com used to market itself as the site
for people looking for a partner with whom to "write poetry and dance in
the rain" but of whom their parents will also approve.
It has now
changed its name to ishqr.com and says it is the place for feminists
looking for a "bold, humble, feminist brother or a
Rumi-and-granola-loving Muslim".
Muhammad met his wife Catherine, who converted to Islam at
university, through an online matchmaking site four years ago. Today he
is happily married with two children. But his search for marital bliss
wasn't always an easy ride.
Continue reading the main story
“Start Quote
The internet makes meeting easier culturally”
Mbaye Lo
Professor of Arabic
"There isn't that scope to meet
people," he explains. "Devout Muslims don't go pubbing and clubbing. In
typical Western cultures that's OK, but in Muslim culture it's frowned
upon. So there are very few avenues, apart from family contact, for
matchmaking to occur."
Muhammad had been on various secular dating websites before he decided to give Muslim online matchmaking a try.
"It was round about Easter 2010 when I first emailed
Catherine," he recollects. "Things escalated very, very rapidly. Three
or four months from initial contact we got married - we just knew
really. When you meet the right person, you know."
Muhammad, who is of Bangladeshi origin, and Catherine, who is
a British convert to Islam, may seem like an unusual couple, but in
many ways their relationship exemplifies the kind of relationships that
these websites seek to endorse.
"The identity of global Islam is not physical, it's more
ideological - its constituency is a global constituency," explains Mbaye
Lo, professor of Arabic at Duke University and author of an academic
paper titled Muslim Marriage Goes Online.
"That is why the websites often show an African Muslim man
with an Indo-Pakistani girl, for example, on their main page. They
portray themselves in a physical manner that postulates Islam's
globality in order to engage people on a global level and give them more
of a global outlook, a global citizenship."
According to Lo, the websites not only encourage global
citizenship, they also allow young people in conservative countries to
choose potential matches with greater freedom. "The status quo in many
countries doesn't always favour women in making choices - the internet
makes meeting easier culturally," he explains.
Muslim matchmaking sites
- Muslima.com claims more than five million members worldwide, owned by Cupid Media which owns at least 30 other dating websites
- SingleMuslim.com claims more than one million members, aimed at Muslims of all sects and has a large membership in the UK
- Nikah.com meaning "marriage" or "marriage contract", says it has facilitated 120,000 happy marriages worldwide
- Muslimmatrimony.com allows members to search for partners not only by sect but by language and the doctrine of Islam they follow
- Ishqr.com says it connects "young and multifaceted Muslims"
- Iranianpersonals.com specifically targets Iranian expats - operates in English, French, German and Swedish, but not Persian
Riad, who hails from the Tunisian capital Tunis, met his wife
online in 2012. "I fell in love with her the moment I saw her," he
recollects, "a real
coup de foudre".
However, like many in the Middle East and North Africa, he
has reservations about online dating. Despite his own positive
experience, he would not necessarily recommend it to others. "The
virtual world is a world of lies," he warns, "you just don't know who
you are talking to."
Unlike in the West, where Muslim online matchmaking often
appeals to young people with a strong religious identity, in Tunisia,
Riad tells me, the opposite is true.
"Very religious families would prefer that their children
meet future partners in the traditional ways, through the family. They
take the view that meeting a partner online isn't natural and they are
therefore very suspicious."
In the West, however, the industry is booming. Younis, who
set up SingleMuslim.com in 2000, never imagined it would turn into a
full-time career.
However, 14 years on, the website has given him more than one
thing to be proud of. A few years after setting up the site, the young
entrepreneur found a wife of his own online. He is now a proud father
of four, his last child, a healthy little girl, having been born while
this article was being written.
